I’m not sure how long I can go on like this…. I have just walked out of the gingers room, poured myself a glass of wine and I should be fist pumping and air high fiving myself yet I’m sobbing. Daddy Abs works for an agency and I get it, they work like dogs. Really I get it, when I went into labour with the ginger my husband opened his laptop to mail people before we went to the hospital!!! 

But now there are two little people in this dynamic and I just don’t know how to do it. And I’m still on maternity leave how on earth am I going to go back to work in 4 weeks and cope with doing the bedtime thing alone. 

I get that my career was over the moment I had Daniel and I don’t resent that one bit. But please tell me how I’m supposed to find a job that allows me to be home to single parent suicide hour and earn sufficient money to school said kids? 

How do I get two little people with very different needs down for the night? Because I only have one set if hands!?!? Kat is so little still and she needs a little loving and rocking and she particularly hard to get down because she is so overstimulated by the time it gets to bed because I’m always parming her off to the car seat which I’m rocking her with my foot whilst trying to feed her brother or she’s in the swing. It’s not fair to say she’s too small to understand and she’ll live, she also deserves a cuddle before she goes to bed. 

And then we are having a really tough time with the ginger at the moment. He’s pooing in pants and is presenting with really bad leg pains which we are considering seeing a paediatric orthopedic Dr for as we are watching for Legg–Calvé–Perthes Disease. He is also waking with nightmares and sobbing and is also clinging to me like never before, so clearly the little guy is fragile and needs me. I get that he’s ‘lost’ me and ends up suffering and having to lie on the couch while I put his sister to bed when in actual fact he should not be watching TV till right before bed and should be in bed an hour before I actually get him there. 

But flip like I said I only have one set of hands. And my dear friends can’t help and even when they do which is often, it’s no long term solution. I just need a solution!!!! 

Apologies for the rant. But I feel inadequate, guilty on two children’s  accounts and just plain helpless.

So excuse me while I drink my glass of wine, then dust myself off and go make supper.